Sundays

Living at home is all together a different experience than living alone... i guess most of you will agree to the fact that when in front of your parents you are not the same person as you are with your friends... you are a little subdued , a little careful about your speech and most important you never curse in front of your parents...
Over the years i have given an account of almost every part of my life but not the domicile domestic and boring account of my family life.... if u fall asleep halfway when you read this i don't blame you....
The sun would always come screaming though my window and for years i couldn't figure out what actually woke me up, the sun or my mom shouting at me just to get me to wake up... And when i did manage to i was just too lazy, as if spending another 5 mins in bed would create all the difference.
Dad usually had a very amicable approach to a sunday... wake up, tea, 3 different newspapers, nap, lunch, nap again, tending to the garden in the evening, t.v till dinner time( he always watches worthless chanells for god knows what reason), dinner and followed my some uninterrupted sleep with heavy snoring if i might add...
Mom is the most active member of the family.. sometimes i wonder that her blood might have been replaced by Red Bull... she ( being the neat freak that she is)always gets the house in proper condition... everything in its right place till the rest of the family members decide to mess it up again... I always used to find her the a cleaning cloth in her hands whenever i did manage to see her that is... i always used to sit back and see her cleaning everything in a hurried fashion but never missing a single detail... and i was stuck with some chores in the usual rate.... i always lost myself in this haphazardness and it never made any sense to me... so i just sneak out with my bike for i knew that peace was only 10 mins away...
Those sundays have faded away somewhere.. though my mom and dad do almost the same thing my sundays involve a lot of sleep and trying to get rid of the hangover from the night before... i sometime think about those days... but it seems to fade away like a distant dream somewhere...
The bike is gone, the city of dwelling has changed.... but i sometimes do hear the wind calling my name begging me to come back home.

The End of Days…..

No I am not talking about the Biblical end of days referred to as Armageddon or the holocaust of any sort… this is just the metaphorical end of a part of my life that I cherish with the warmth in my heart and hate that has built up inside my ass….
The room is almost empty except for the few bags filled with clothes books and all the other things that I considered useless but in the past few years have proven their worth beyond doubt or prejudice…. The half empty cupboard begs to tell a different story of the days it has seen and the nights it has witnessed and the trials and tribulations faced by the inmates of this room in the ground floor of a 50 year old building in a metropolis city… the bed would definitely tell a different story for the sleepless nights and the tears and blood it has soaked up over the years…
I look around this room and I think about all the times when we had fun, the quarrels , the parties, the heartbreak, the excitement of new love found and the sorrow of lives lost…. They say every good thing must come to an end but I say why should it . Good things should happen on a regular basis and it should continue like that for all eternity.
I remember the first day I came to this city , I had just passed out of my school and I was accepted in this college and I had a mind set that I wanted to make a difference in this world… I was pretty naïve and beginner in the ways of the world and society. I came to this pg thinking it was just a temporary place of inhabitance till I move on to a new place. But that didn’t happen and I made this place my second home, an oasis if u will where I wasn’t governed by any laws or the constant cacophony of my parents and their good old classic speech ‘ what are you doing with your life’ … I liked it here and these walls contain all my stories… ahh if the walls could only speak what kind of story would they tell… good stories that end in a very realistic or often sarcastic ‘ ha ha ha’ .. or would it be one of those endings that left everyone reaching for the tissues…
Well no matter what it says I just hope it is as I lived it…. Happy with certain interruptions of disappointment , heartbreak , fear , loathing and general let down….
I will never ever forget the inmates of this place… I call them inmates because it was a jail of some kind… but rather the bond we shared can be only related to cousins or even brothers… yes I call them my brothers because at certain point of my life I shared everything with them…… and they theirs… yes we drank together, smoked together, ate together , laughed together and cried together….
The very few of the best days of my life were spent in this 12 feet by 12 feet room on 61 S.B. Road V.V. Puram Bangalore….. as much as I hate to admit it but I will remember each and everyday I spent with my buddies and remember each and everyone of them….
Mr. Shravan… the curly freak.. used to wash his clothes at 1 in the morning like a ghost and immediately after he comes to my room and says… ‘ Macha u wanna smoke’…..
Mr. Vipin… computer genius and basically a whiz on anything electronic… and my favorite green crusader…
Mr. Baidyanathan… mechanic wizard… and my soul rectifier.. yes you pour your heart out in front of him and he will listen to you and give you the best advice possible so that you can disregard it totally….
Mr. Mohit my ex… not in the sense of lovers but roommates…. He is a person I have never met who can behave cordially with everyone… takes talent…
Mr. Bipul…. Well he can change the world in a matter of minutes if it had been his authority or his dictatorship and we thank god its not …. He has a small problem with authority and his theories about life and everything in between is as outlandish as snow in Calcutta….
There are so many people that have become part of my life at one point or the other and each have left their mark in the respective places… but I cherish these moments as if it was just yesterday…
As I moved out I wasn’t sure if was happy or sad or just about anything in between but I am glad that I got to spend sum time with these amazing people and had fun doing it….
Now I am stayin with another gujrati freak and am havin fun.. I will write about him someday and its gonna be a blast…..

OMERTA

Whoever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward.
Whoever cannot take care of themselves without that law is both.
For a wounded man shall say to his assailant,
'If I live, I will kill you. If I die, You are forgiven.'
Such is the rule of honour.

Broken the paradigm an example must be set
Invoke the Siren's song and sign the death warrant.
This id what has been wrought for 30 pieces of silver
The tongues of men and angels bought by a beloved betrayer.
I am the result what's better left unspoken
Violence begins to mend what was broken
You've been talking, I've been all ears.
Words meant to dwell in darkness shall never see the light of day
Words can be broken, so can bones
Execute the mandate
Mouth full of dirt.
Your name is removed from the registry
St. Peter greets with empty eyes then turns and locks the gate.
I am the result what's better left unspoken
Violence begins to mend what was broken
You've been talking, I've been all ears
Omerta.
Cheaply venal, stupidly verbose
A slip of the tongue, a slit of the throat
Six feet under with no marker
Keep my name from your mouth forever.
Free speech for the living, dead men tell no tales
Your laughing finger will never point again.
Omerta.
Sing for me now.

EDUCATION

I checked my phone... anvesh has messaged asking how things were.... I replied ' m in deep shit.....' sent it to him and switched of my phone..... my usual anger and upheaval of emotions that generally besiege me this time of the year.... no common day... exams are coming soon... the writing on the wall has come forth and become true... you have to give the exam and the devil will stand there as you take pot shots at your luck and intelligence.....
Yes exam in a few days.... whuuufffff..... i know testing time for all of us... how we hate it... how we wish a world without exams..... the fear drives us crazy... and 99% of all students will agree with me that it is a single iota of rampant power that ruins our lives to the very core..... So my question is why do we hate it so much...

Well ask any normal human being if they like to study and the spat answer will be a anger filled , self denying 'NO'..... i know because i am one of them.... Trust me i hate studying... who doesn't..... give me a book that is not part of my syllabus and i will stay awake the entire night , strain my eyes to finish it, but as soon as it comes under the syllabus prescribed by a bunch of lunatics wearing thick rimmed glasses and sipping on warm tea......... i shout it out...' hell no'...

We have been conformed to a bunch of monkeys who would rather sit on the branches f some odd tree and take directions from a person who doesn't seem to know any better... they say that we are all different.. then how come we get the same set of question papers in the exam hall.... they want us to be different but they put a leash on our neck saying' till here and no further'.... i hate these people who treat us worst than dogs... we are more like lab rats.... being tested with the drugs that yield no solution to the disease... rather raise doubts about our own capabilities and the little self dignified faith we have in our selves...

I say down with those pinheads.... because i can tell you i have learnt more things with my own experience than what my teachers have thought me....
As in the great words of Pink Floyd
' WE DON'T NEED NO EDUCATION'

Random Crap

An empty screen welcomed me as I opened my computer this evening…. Its quite welcoming… ‘give yourself to me and I will give you the world and all the pleasures you can ever imagine’…. It always says and I know how tempting that sounds but this time I just didn’t feel like it except a few random thoughts ran through my mind and it made me wonder……

We have become hollow…. No the barrel in our basements have more value than us and we have just become a shell where we have left ourselves to believe the world is all beautiful and the value of a person cant be measured in monetary terms and every person s unique with their own set of qualities be whoever they might be…… well I choose to think differently……

We has human beings have lost our identities to every other materialistic thing that surrounds us and I am no different than the rest…. We have become mindless freaks who give into the ways of what some corporate company or organization wants us to do…. Do we really need the things that we choose on a daily basis…. I mean why do we need 82 different flavours of potato chips or for that matter why do we have to have frivolous stuff that has no need in the first place….. I mean I don’t understand it and I cant seem to get my head around these things…..

I know I ask too many questions but no matter how much I try I just cant seem to find an answer….
Whatever happened to the sound of rain on a tin roof,,,, yes it is obstructed by the noise of the t.v.
What happened to friends sharing a cup of hot tea and catching up rather than just going to the malls….. have we really lost that 12 year old kid inside us who had a dream every night and who loved to play in the dirt and who had ambitions to be somebody great, do something worthwhile for the world and for humanity….. we have become greedy we have taken that kid and locked him away in some dreary dungeon where no one will find him, rather look for him in the first place….. we have become nothing but self obsessed robots who doesn’t care about anyone else other than themselves…. And I will tell you this it scares the shit out of me…. I know people are not what they seem to be and somewhere along the way everybody changes…. All I ask is why do we…. Whatever happened to us wanting to do something about the environment… we just give some money to some earth organization and leave it at that… we join some website for a daily newsletter and all we do is not even check it after a few number of times… what happened to the promise we made to our friends that we weren’t going to change and somehow unfortunately we do….. what happened when we took an oath that we would help out the needy and the poor… do we do that anyday…….

This is not a mission statement of any kind or something that would move you to the core of your heart …all I am trying to say is that we need to get out of the self absorbing shell of our blinding existence, remove the cloth that is blinding us and look at the people around us… listen to what they have to say and not just hear them out… people are dying every day from war, famine, disease , and all the other things that we just don’t choose to see…. Take a moment to think and just ask the little kid inside you what to do…. I think he will lead you to the right path….

I know that it would be really bad if we loose that little kid inside us….. because if we do then trust me we will just loose a part of our soul…. And then it would really be really fucking pathetic….

I Belong

‘Dream of mirrors’ – My dad handed me this cassette that had some art work that I had never seen before , mad grafix and the song that really made the hair on the back of my head stand up….. the sound electric and so original , nothing I had ever experienced ever before in a very long time… it made me want to sing and to jump from the sofa or the bed and sing like that….. the band---- Iron Maiden….. and I was in love for the first time in my life….
I was 12 and I was listening to these bands whose members had long hair played guitars all their lives and lived in a world of sex drugs and rock n roll…… something that our society doesn’t necessarily support,…. Or should I say our society condones these acts of Satan worship ( or so it is termed) ….. but I didn’t heed that I wanted to be those guys on that stage making music…. And I wanted to see the crowd going wild beneath my feet…..
I was a teenager then and my parents thought it was just a passing phase but I am no longer a teenager and the obsession is still as fresh as ever before…. METAL… its not something u follow to fit into a crowd or to show you are cool… it’s a lifestyle and it is a form of mentality, a sort of ideals that you find defines you and defines you more than anything…. And yes I am proud to say I am a METALHEAD….
I was born in a society that has nothing to do with this , nothing relatively close to this but I belong to this world where I know I am different from other people and I like it like that…. I don’t refute it I don’t disagree I just know deep down inside everyone has their fears, hopes, anger, and every other emotion that drives me … and I also know that they don’t have a proper vent to let out all those things that they have trapped inside of them….
I was always searching for something heavy, something heavier than the last band I listened to, that search has led me to bands like metallica, lamb of god., sepulture, judas preist, megadeth, cannibal corpse, children of bodom, motley crue, testament, tool ,nile, dimmu borgir, hatebreed, motorhead, morbid angel,satrycon, napalm death and many others that I love to hear at anytime of the day… be it early morning or late at night….,.
My friends call me a freak and I don’t deny that… I am obsessed with death , blood and satan… I know that these bands project these images so as to make themselves look cool but some of the songs actually have some meaning and if you listen closely you just might find yourself connecting with any one of the songs by any of the bands….
I have been to a few concerts with some heavy heads in the metal scene both from India and from foreign countries…. And guess what I have head banged throughout… and I loved it…. I was in the crowd and the gods played in front of me and I loved every second of it…..
After a long fucked up day I come to my room and I don’t drink up, I don’t pick up a fight…. I just put on my favorite music and I head bang…. And I love it this way…
I guess why people segregate metal so much is that it glorifies what people try to hide…. It gives you a certain amount of power that you won’t get anywhere else… I know it as a fact that it is a sort of guiding power for me., a place where I truly belong and it gives me hope each day and I believe it is a form of religion to me…

I have been defending my love for metal since when I was 12 and if you dint get the awesome power when you listen to it, the overwhelming surge of power feeling that makes the hair on your neck stand up then you might never get it… but that’s ok cause judging by the thousands of metal fans that surround me in this erena…. We are doing just fine without you…….

Alur dom and luchi

Just made it…… whuuuuffff .. Its pouring badly outside and the station is a mess… Its filled with a hoard of people eagerly waiting to get out or get inside…. But the rain has stopped them from doing anything…. I love the rain…. I watch it whenever I can… just the feeling of water from the sky pelting hard on the asphalt or the lake or just the smell of wet earth just makes me want to go out and get wet under the black sky…..
But today was different as I was going home…. After 5 months of staying without my friends and my parents I couldn’t wait to go home…. I could almost smell my mom in the kitchen making some traditional Bengali food just for me….. oh man how much I missed home….
They say home is where the heart is and I say they couldn’t be more right in my case….
Somehow I got on the train and put my luggage under the seatand got settled into my seat…. There was no power in the compartment but the light from the station filled the compartment partially illuminating it…. I love this atmosphere … ypu are not totally in the dark and neither are you in a room that is brightly lit….
I love travelling in the train ever since I was a little boy…. It’s the most magical way to see a country… unknown stations.. unknown towns and villages, paddy fields and the rivers that crisscross this beautiful country…
Anyways some people came into my coupe and put their stuff and I got introduced to them.. for these 2 days they were going to be my companion and I like meeting these strange people for just enough time to know them the right amount… and just enough to forget them.. but nevertheless its always been a memorable…. Its always an eclectic mixture of people from different states and different back grounds….
The train left on time and the journey was underway…. I don’t even remember the number of times I have dreamt of this time…. And now that dream had come true…. I had an upper bunk so after sometime I went up and opened my book just to pass the time after sometime I had drifted to a nice nap as the train had chugged along crossing towns, villages and rivers….. but I woke up in the middle of the night to find that the train had stopped at an unknown station and I realized that I was in another state and it felt nice to be a state closer to home…
The next day went without any further incidences and I got to know my fellow passengers but to my disgust no girls… man I hate my luck… but its fun anyways….
By night I couldn’t get any sleep … the anticipation of home was killing me… I couldn’t wait anymore… so I went and stood in front of the door and smelt the wind… it had rained and the air had a sweet aroma…. And I took it all in without any hesitation…. Slowly night had given way to dawn’s light…. And I could feel Bengal in my veins….
The train finally pulled into Howrah… I jumped from the train, ran to the exit and got in a cab… it took me home where warm hugs and steaming luchi and alur dom was waiting…. And I had made it home..